Into the Cold

how many times do you see a homeless person on the side of the road, begging for change? how often do you see a makeshift bed of cardboard, newspaper and blankets under the overpass and get disgusted? or how many times to you see a vagrant walking slowly down the street, wrapped in dirty blankets, and think, "wow, that must be a horrible way to live", only to turn the corner, turn up the heater and forget all about them?

the other day, my friend/brother ryan and i had a conversation about what it must be like to be homeless. to literlly live outdoors all the time, in the weather, without a pillow to lay your head or any modern convinence that we completely take for granted everyday. we wondered what it must feel like to have that be your life, to be at the mercy of the elements and the other desperate people living among you. i decided that wondering could only take us so far into this reality, but actually living the life was the only way to further understand what it took to be homeless.

so, i told ryan that saturday night he and i were going to sleep on my concrete 2nd floor balcony overnight. no pillows, no bed, no heater, no restroom, no food, nothing besides what we could put on our bodies. so around 10pm last night we put on a few layers of warm clothes and headed outside. to say that i was looking forward to what we were about to partake in for the next several hours would have been a complete lie. it was to be the coldest night of the season so far, with lows in the 20's. i wanted to sleep next to my wife, in our bed, in the convinence of our warm house. but that wasn't good enough. that wouldn't have answered any of our questions. i would have been like every other person, saying "wow, that must be a horrible way to live", only to forget the situation and snuggle under the covers.

so, as ryan and i got accustomed to our new home for the night, we sat there and talked about so many things... marriage, beer, solar systems, Jesus and coyotes, among countless others...but we never got comfortable...or warm. within an hour our feet were aching from the cold. there was nothing we could do to get warm...we were wrapped in layers of clothes from head to toe, and we were shivering all night. we layed there on our frozen concrete bed and tried to sleep...but very little came. we'd drift off for a few minutes, only to be awaken by a car alarm, or a train, or a yelling person, or our own stinging feet and shivering body.

we could have very easily gotten up, walked two feet and been inside a heated house with soft beds and pillows...but we would have failed. we would have failed ourselves and every real homeless person who goes through this same life every single night. we wouldn't have known what it meant to have a tough night, even if only for one night. i can't even fathom what it must feel like to live that way everyday of my life. to not know if or when you'll find that light at the end of the tunnel. it was miserable, and morning couldn't come fast enough. but eventually, it did...and we were quickly inside again, snuggled under the blankets with our head resting on soft pillows.

hopefully next time you see a homeless person shivering on the street corner, begging for change, you'll put down your double mocha cappuccino, roll down your window, pull out the coins in your ashtray and offer it to them, without judgement. so what if they're just going to take that money to the corner store to buy a beer... i know we could have gone for one last night to keep us warm!