i read something in my texas society of architects annual report about leadership that i found interesting. this was from the forward by the tsa president, and he quoted a san antonio pastor as saying that leadership "equals influence" and the pastor followed that proposition by stating that a good working definition of leadership is "disturbing people. but at a rate they can absorb it."

i found the part saying that it equals influence pretty much right on. that really seemed like a no-brainer to me. but the idea that it is about disturbing people made me smile. i had never thought of it in that way...but perhaps it was right on as well. if you're not pressing people to do something better; regardless of what field it may be in; then what (or who) are you really leading?

who are you disturbing? who's disturbing you?


Participant or Observer?

below are some random, jumbled thoughts flying around in my allergy infested, politically incorrect, case of the monday’s head. thoughts that have been stumbling through my mind for a while…some for a couple days, some for a couple years. not sure what it all means, but i felt like they should be written down…if nothing else, at least they’re out of my head. these are questions i find myself pondering occasionally (but not nearly often enough).

: how many times have you felt led to do something…only to think; “i know, i know, i know” over and over again?

: is your life bearing fruit?

: how many times do you make excuses as to why you don’t do something? that you keep telling yourself, “once this is fixed, then…” do you ever think that you’ll never really be ready, that you’ll keep finding something to use as an excuse, so perhaps it’s time to stop making excuses and just do it?

: are you a participant, or are you simply an observer?

: what is your holy discontent and what are you going to do about it?

: "all our good deed are but filthy rags.” why do i do the things i do…for my glory, or for His?



i had a great talk with my grandfather yesterday. he sat down next to me and began to reminisce. he started talking about what life was like back when he was growing up. how during the depression, very few people had a job…how he would be sent by his mother to buy a pound of ground beef and a loaf of bread for $0.20. how he and his brothers only had 1 pair of good shoes, so they’d have to go to church at different times, so they could all wear the shoes. how people would sleep on their porches during the summer, because there was no air conditioning and the heat inside the house was commonly too unbearable.

then, he began to discuss how life was during world war II. how you couldn’t buy butter anymore. how gas was rationed and you had to have stamps in order to even purchase it. when your stamps ran out, so did your gas. tires were nearly impossible to come by also. if you got a flat, that was it…there was no store around the corner where you could purchase another one.

that got me to thinking…how would we deal with that today? what would the crime and suicide rates look like if suddenly we were thrown back to those harder times? how would we deal? would we?

why do we have this sense now in our culture that we are entitled to certain things? that we no longer have to ‘suffer’ for anything…that they should just be a given. a new computer, a car on our 16th birthday, unlimited text messaging…

how will this look in the future? what will we have ‘suffered’ for that future generations feel are just owed to them? life before internet, playing outside, cars with manual door locks and windows…

what will you tell your grandchildren someday?


Path, Robert Frost, Proverbs

i have a thought or two on the idea of path, robert frost and "the road not taken", our journey and Proverbs. this is from my weekly post on phlebotomic. click here to read my thoughts and let me know yours.


Sex, Lies and Photoshop

curious? want to read more? then click here.

the man who put this post together is really, really intelligent and i hear all the ladies saying that he is quite attractive. i even overheard a young boy tell his father that he wanted to grow up to be just like this guy...i would love to meet him one day, just so i could shake his hand and tell the everyone i know about that moment...

sorry about that, too much coffee and taco grease this morning. enjoy the post and happy friday!


Beauty: One Step Closer

the following is from my post on phlebotomic

beauty is a feeling, an emotion
when all is as it seems, as it should be
when competing forces are at peace
when breaths are caught, when shoulders are relaxed

beauty is a tingling sensation, the goose bumps
a moment to be captured, stored in your memory
a thought not soon to be forgotten
an image of heart, a counterpart of love

beauty is all around, constantly overlooked
it lives on city highways, it’s found in suburban shopping malls
it’s one step closer to reality
what we all possess, what keeps us going


Facebook Is Brain Porn

did the title grab your attention? have an idea where this one is going?now, while i didn't actually write the following blog, i must say i agree with much of what the writer (roy bragg, san antonio express news) has to say. i myself have been on a facebook semi-hiatus for the past week and a half (i've signed on to facebook only a couple times, and only long enough to check inbox messages and ministry updates from certain individuals), and i have to admit, i haven't missed the constant parousing of friends status updates one bit. my facebook craving was getting to the point of full-fledged addiction...i was craving the facebook brain porn. and as i wrote recently, those expectations were going greatly unmet.

anyway, click here to see the blog written by roy bragg, and feel free to let me know your thoughts.



stream of consciousness, envelop me
wrap me up and comfort me
plug into me and straighten out the jumbled mess,
the birds nest of rambled thoughts intertwined within my head
make sense for me, unpack for me
the thoughts that are too tangled to see

past memories, penned and pushed
what was real and what was simply wished
who was i then, who am i now
what does the future hold and can i trust that it is true

sometimes wishing for a jolt, a sudden shock
to awake me from the this straight line
how will this knowledge be used…will it be used
or will it be thrown by the wayside
making way for something new, something unseen

past and present
work and play
all flow together, get mixed together
outcome anticipated
currently a tributary


Childhood Memories

lately i've been catching myself thinking back to my childhood (perhaps a sign of old age setting in) and recalling random, but pleasant memories. i'm not sure the reasoning behind these recollections, but it seems that in almost all of these 'flashbacks', my senses of smell and sound come through in full force.

for example, last week i visited my old elementary school for a work project, and besides the fact that everything looked much smaller than i remembered it (i haven't been there in about 16 years), the distinct scents of the main office, hallways and classrooms came rolling back in full force. at that moment, it felt welcoming...it felt as if i had never left...and those scents had not changed in my mind at all over all these years.

as far as sounds go...there are so many that came to mind over this past week or so. the scent of my great-grandmothers house; which had a very unique aroma to it; but i assume smells just like that of everyone's great-grandmothers house. a pleasant and cooling thunderstorm that hit while on a campout in the middle of a blistering summer evening in middle school. the carnival type repetitive music playing in the background, a gentle grinding of the metal amusement rides as they move along their tracks, the landscape pebbles playfully crunching beneath the feet of dozens of little kids running from ride to ride at the kiddie park while attending multiple, multiple birthday parties. those are just a few of the sounds that seem to have made a permanent home within my head.

isn't it funny how we are able to remember such random and all to often useless little tid-bits of our lives, but we seem to fail to recall with any detail whatsoever things that we might actually classify as 'save until i delete' in our mental tivo. we are indeed strange and unique creatures. so, what are some of your pleasant childhood memories that are engrained in detail in your memory?


If You Are In Oregon...

if you are in oregon and drive a 1990's green ford escort...be careful.


Midweek Therapy Session

i came upon the following and i just felt the need to share. (note: there might be a dash of sarcasm to the list below.) i know i've experienced pretty much all of these at some point at my office. (many seem to be fairly constant). you know you're in the same boat. please, feel free to share some stories in the comments section below. "this is a safe place. a place where we can feel free to share our feelings. think of this (space) as a nest in a tree of trust and understanding. we can say anything here." remember, there's safety in numbers!

1. never give me work in the morning. always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. the challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. if it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. that helps. or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3. always leave without telling anyone where you're going. it gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. if my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. i need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case i should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

5. if you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority. i am psychic.

6. do your best to keep me late. i adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. i have no life beyond work.

7. if a job i do pleases you, keep it a secret. if word gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. if you don't like my work, tell everyone. i like my name to be popular in conversation. i was born to be whipped.

9. if you have special instructions for a job, no need to relay that to me at first. in fact, save them until the job is almost done. no use confusing me with useful information.

10. never introduce me to the people you're with. i have no right to know anything. in the corporate food chain, i am plankton. when you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. be nice to me only when the job i'm doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager's hell.

12. tell me all your little problems. no one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. i especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.

13. wait until my yearly review and then tell me what my goals should have been. give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase only. i'm not here for the money anyway.

can you relate to any of these?


Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect $200

go to jail. go directly to jail. do not pass go. do not collect $200. do you remember those words from the family game, monopoly? click here to read more from my post on phlebotomic.


Missing: Communication

when does something good turn into something bad?

i will be the first to tell you that technology is a wonderful thing. it has made all of our lives amazingly easier than they were even 5 or 10 years ago. i love the fact that i don't have to go inside a gas station anymore to prepay for gas, i can just swipe a card. and when i get home, i don't have to worry how much money i have, i can just look at my bank account balance in real-time on my wireless laptop. pretty cool stuff, so don't get me wrong, but the question remains, when does something good turn into something bad?

with that being asked, here's my two cents. i feel that, as a society, we have lost the ability to communicate. we have turned into a culture of instant messages and meaningless facebook updates... of nonstop text messages and constant tweets (a tweet is a instant mass message from twitter.com, just wait, it might just drive you crazy very, very soon!) now, while all of these forms of 'communication' may be great in a certain context, i feel that we have; or will soon (see tweets above) constantly crossed the line from 'necessity' into laziness and convenience.

i will use myself as a perfect example. lately, i have found myself constantly clicking over to facebook to see who has changed their status...as if any of it is going to make any difference to me. i go back constantly, only to be disappointed everytime, because no ones status is fulfilling to me. please don't be offended, i mean, that's great that you're going to the movies later, or are very tired, or are studying. good for you, but i don't think that me knowing these things has any bearing on my life whatsoever...so, why do i keep going back? perhaps because i am human, and i enjoy personal communication. personal communication, through a message on a computer, i must be on drugs!

i know of other people who are in dating relationships, and they 'communicate' more through text messages than actual phone or personal conversations on a daily basis. what is that? is there substance to those phone buttons? can you read tone through those digital letters on the screen? something has been lost. we spend less and less time personally communicating with one another and more and more time wondering why we don't get along..asking why they are mad at you...wondering why they are ignoring the last text you just sent.

when was the last time you had a real, personal, face-to-face, looking square in the eye, meaningful conversation with someone?

as for me, i have decided to put facebook on the shelf for a while, and see how it's loss in my life really effects me. i know that this blog really isn't a personal conversation, per se, but i also feel that it opens the line of personal reflection and potential real, purpose driven conversation. what do you thing about that? do you think that technology has led to a loss of intimate, purposeful dialogue in your life? hit me up with a text message or tweet! ttyl...