A Day Of Rest

in fulfilling tasks that depend upon accessing energy, there is a fine line between fidelity to work and foolishness to self. there are times when your determination to continue working carries you through, regardless of your inability to extend your energy. by sheer willpower alone you meet the personal or business goals you have set for yourself. in spite of abiding fatigue, you call forth seeming undiminished reserves. in fact, you often use tiredness itself as a private index to prove that you are working invaluably hard. a serious problem exists here even though you can't acknowledge it.

atlast, your mental and physical pace cannot be sufficiently supplied by the energy at your current disposal. you are using up more energy than can be replaced. so you assume that your sincere will to accomplish the task at hand can compensate for the lack of vitality. the more you try to succeed, however, the harder the struggle becomes and the more miserable you feel. too bad. lashing your tired self with the whip of willpower becomes a persecution, but the fear of impending defeat, threatening your self-esteem, pushes you on until you are forced to stop.

and stop i did, yesterday. my body had finally had enough of the constant going, and it gave out. i left work early feeling horrible and exhausted....i came home and i slept! in fact, if my math is correct, i believe i slept for about 13 straight hours. i saw this coming too. i knew my body well enought to know that a collapse was coming. i even requested the day off next monday for just this reason...to recharge. katy and i were to go out of town for a long and restful weekend away...but things change. now, not only are we not going out of town, but we have other commitments...such is life. so, needless to say, i was just shooting for monday. then i could relax and have my day of rest. i didn't make it to monday, but i'm still getting my day!