Hereditary Issues

so, today i went to the doctor for a follow-up appointment. i went to the doctor last week because i just wasn't feeling right...for about 2 weeks i was totally exhausted, both physically and mentally. he talked to me, he listened to me, he ran tests, he took blood and he told me to come back in a week. well, today was a week, so back in his office i was!

my doctor came in, talked to me about my test results and took my blood pressure...high again! he then asked me if i had any family history of high blood pressure? i told him, "yep, on both sides of my family." so, he said i should thank them for my health problems and wrote me a perscription for blood pressure medication. he said to stay off the salt, get plenty of exercise, take my medication and come back in a month for a check-up.

if only i'd known a few years ago about my future health issues, perhaps i'd have started taking precautions then. you know, taking it easy on the salty foods, exercising a little more, etc. if 0nly my parents could have warned me when i was about 15 years old, perhaps i wouldn't feel like an old man today having to take blood pressure meds. but, what's in the past is in the past. that being said, i can always warn my future son (notice i wrote son...the though of me having a daughter might put me over the edge and give me a heart attack!) now about his future health problems. perhaps that would make a difference. so, if you don't mind, i'd like to take a moment to wrote him a letter pertaining to his future.

dear son,

i'm writing this in the year 2008. buy now, it's the year 2025, and you're about 15 years old. i just wanted to take a minute of your time to let you know a few things about yourself and your future health. first off, if you have scoliosis problems, thank your mother. she's always had the question mark spine! next, if you're wondering why it feels like bad luck is following you around and you've had more stitches than birthdays, you can thank me for that one. i was always a bit clutsy and constanly in the emergency room. hopefully by the year 2025 they have some advances in medical technology and they can just glue your cuts back together instantly. i always hated the sight of stitches on people and the sight of someone elses blood makes me a bit queezy.

now, if you have stomach problems, you can just go ahead and blame both your mother and i for that one. your mom did have her gall bladder removed in 2007 though, and ever since then it's been quite better. as for me, i have 'other' stomach problems. your uncle kyle and aunt stefani gave my stomach issue a rather cleaver medical name, SBD (stinky butt disease). so, if you inherit that mysterious medical condition, just lay off the beans and cheese. oh, and just between you and me, son, your aunt stefani has a case of SBD too!

other things you may inherit from your mother include: the ability to cry at a moments notice, a freckle in your right eye, random headaches that appear practially every night around bedtime, toes that resemble water ski's, OCD, a desire to watch the news at least 4 times a day, a heart-melting laugh and a beautiful smile. oh, and you will always be cold!

a few things you might inherit from me are: random accidents and injuries, extreme shyness until about the age 18, at which time you will become very loud and people will only wish you were still shy, the ability to pee on people in your sleep, ADD, excellent knowledge of streets and landmarks, extreme annoyance of all people who don't use their turning signals, acid reflux, high blood pressure and the ability to eat practically anything, including; but not limited to; dirt, bugs, ketchup as a meal, not just a condiment, and peanut shells off a dirty bar floor.

well son, i think that should be enough to process for now. i'll write again someday to explain the reasoning behind your first name (it was your mom's idea, not mine), tell you all about the glory days of basketball when the spurs won 4 titles in 9 years (before inflated player salaries caused outrageous ticket prices and before the invention of HD tv), tell you all about when loop 1604 was still a 4 lane road and 281 had stop lights (hopefully by the year 2025 these issues have been fixed). oh, and i'm sorry if all your friends find your mom hot. what can i say, she's a knockout!

love,

Dad