12.30.2008
IV
12.24.2008
5 Beloved Traditions...
(sorry for the abundance of links lately...trying to keep the reading light, seeing as tomorrow is Christmas. happy spending!)
12.23.2008
Hope
in a season of joy, grace, peace and love...how often do we remember to practice just that. check out this article (click here) to see how a small texas football team brought just that to 'the least of these'. enjoy!
IX - Revisited
how about gossip…who doesn’t do that? so, where does that stand in God’s graces? here are a few passages that address this issue.
James 3:6 "The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell."
the tongue is a world of evil…not just evil, but a world of evil. i suppose that is used to indicate the sheer size of hurt that can be caused by a few ill-advised words. it corrupts the entire being of a person…it can become who they are and what they’re known for. in a world where we seem to remember the bad things more vividly than the good, those hurtful words can be stored in someone’s memory bank for quite a while, thus casting an image of who that person is to them for quite some time.
Proverbs 11:13 "A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret."
if you can’ t trust someone at their word, or to guard an issue from gossip, then there is no confidence to base the friendship off of…that trust has been broken.
to piggyback off the last passage; gossip betraying confidence; gossip can ruin friendships. when the trust is gone, a person begins to question the basis for the relationship as a whole…whether that trust can be regained.
those last two should really hit home for many of us. i think it’s safe to assume we’ve all be involved in a situation when trust was broken due to something as petty as gossip. “gossip betrays confidence…gossip separates close friends”. i’m sure none of this is new to any of us, but the clarity that remains to be seen is when concern crosses the line into gossip. when love for someone and their decisions or well-being becomes secondary to the news that’s there to share. i’ve been there…on both ends. it’s funny how difficult it is for us sometimes to learn our lesson when we don’t see the lesson there to learn.
Matthew 7: 1-5 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
12.22.2008
Milhouse Van Houten
V
Honor: good name or public esteem; a showing of usually merited respect
this can be a difficult command to swallow. how many times do we see disagreements between parent and child? it's almost understandable when you see a small child acting out, but how many times has it been a high school, college student, or even grown adult still taking on the traits of an infant? when has that line been crossed and that showing of respect lost?
how we honor our father and our mother through our disagreements says a lot for our maturity, comprehension of this Commandment, and ability to show grace, mercy and love in those difficult moments.
but what about when our fathers and mothers are not around... what happens then? do words or thoughts of anger and slander come spewing out of our hearts? and what happens when they do...is that obeying the command...is that showing honor? Exodus 21 reads: "Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death." granted, in today's society and with the general lack of quality parenting, the execution of a child for disrespecting their parents may seem a bit harsh, but i think the point is still valid. if a child cannot respect and honor their own father and mother, who will they respect and honor?
it's sad how easily i can identify recent stories in my life that go in conflict with these Commandments. things that seem so simple can really become the opposite once you break down what each command is really saying, sit back and examine your life, and apply truth.
12.21.2008
VI
12.19.2008
One Year
today is friday.
today is the 19th day of december, 2008.
today also marks the 1 year anniversary of my blog. i know that sounds sort of lame and petty, but i really can’t believe i’ve been posting my thoughts and nonsense on here for a year. yesterday i went back and re-read nearly all my previous posts (i had some time on my hands). i will say this, i’m glad that i’ve been consistent with my topics and emotions. allow me to explain. do you ever say something that you really feel like you mean, only to look back a few days or weeks later and immediately feel like a fool for admitting those thoughts crossed your mind for even a second? i’ve been there…i was that guy. the guy who opened his mouth and verbal garbage just flew out. but i’ve seen consistency in these posts…i’ve seen honestly…and there’s a reason behind all of that. there is Truth in each of those posts.
i’ve seen (and read) myself grow greatly over the past 365 days, but i know the heart never changed… the passion never shifted. it has focus. it may have been challenged over and over again…but then again, what’s the point in believing in something if you’re not willing to fight for it….to Fuel the Fire…
12.18.2008
VII
here is another of those "appears easier on the surface that it really is" Commandments. according to the wikipedia, adultery is defined as "the voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and another person who is not his or her spouse." pretty cut and dry there.
naturally, The Bible takes this simple restriction and digs down quite a bit deeper. Matthew 5: 27-30 reads: "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell." i think that defination might be a bit more in depth and specific versus the wikipedia version.
but how difficult is this to do? how has our culture taken this idea of adultery and glorified it? turn on the tv, what do you see? rich women and yard boys having an affair on desperate housewives. flip on grey's anatomy and what happens? married men 'playing' doctor with other married women. i'm picking on women's tv shows right now for a reason...because i think that hollywood has long glamorized the male aspect of adultery, so now they're trying to play 'catch-up' if you will for all the programs steered toward a mostly female audience.
men, we have it far too easy to be tempted in our television culture. flip on any football game and what do they show before a commercial break? nearly nude cheerleaders smiling and waving at the camera in 40 degree weather. then, once they commercials are upon us, what is there to greet us? why, beer commercials with everyone's 'ideal' mate. hey, she even drinks your favorite brew, who wouldn't want to be with her, right!? television shows are rendered toward this exact vice.
remember mtv's reality show, "the real world"? now, i know the show is still on the air, but i say remember in the past tense because the reality of that show ended several years ago. back in the day, the housemates had to have 'real' lives...jobs, school, family, etc. but the producers 'got smart' and realized that sex sells. so, they dropped anyone who had a real job, morals or ambition and installed a stocked liquor bar and hot tub in every real world house since. talk about a recipe for adulterious disaster!
television, magazines, the internet...they're all crawing with displays just like this... which bleed over into reality, our malls, our schools, our community. how difficult would it be to cut all these things out of our lives...these things that are put in place to tempt us, to trip us up? if you removed all these barriers, what would be left? the good stuff! of course, even when you look up Christian song lyrics and guitar chords online, what's there to greet you? why, it's half naked women on the sponsor sidebar with the caption "click here for more". is nothing safe anymore?
by the way ladies...like the picture of david beckham with the tattoo VII up above? remember, he's married...be careful not to slip!
12.16.2008
VIII
wow…i’m not sure i want to do this whole ’10 Commandments and what they mean for me” thing anymore. no stealing…i totally broke that one this morning! now, don’t worry, i didn’t rob a bank or anything, but i’m not sure if the monetary value really comes into play on this one. The Commandment doesn’t say “You shall not steal anything valued over $5,000”, or “You shall not steal from family, only major corporations”…it says “You shall not steal”. period.
how many times do we try to justify this one too? there’s always a loophole to be found in our own minds if we contemplate on it long enough.
just today, only a couple hours ago, i stole something, two things actually. See, i ran in a marathon last month, and part of the package is that the event organizer has photographers situated all along the route to snap photos of everyone. then, they email you a link taking you to a website full photos of you (or in this case, me). now, each of the pictures are copyrighted and are not allowed to be downloaded. i tried several ways to get around their technology and at least print out a couple on my own printer, but apparently they are smarter than i am. after all, that’s how they ‘get’ you. one 5”x7” print is $16.95…with that, the question arises, who’s stealing from whom!?
well, i was informed by a coworker that they have computer programs you can download that will allow you to cut and past copyrighted online images and save them for personal use. so, what does jeff do? why, download the previously mentioned program, of course…and much to my amazement, it works! so, i go to the link, select a couple of the pictures, click a couple buttons, and presto, the images are now saved to my hard drive…to print, to share, whatever!
12.15.2008
IX
12.11.2008
A Compendium of Classy Conversation Starters - Volume I
1. you know, you'd really make a great cow!
2. my dog has a great sense of smell. let me show you what i mean...
3. oh my gosh, are you pregnant?
4. i'd love to see you in a cat woman costume!
5. that's where we did it...
6. the night i peed on kyle...
X
12.10.2008
Symptom vs. Root
wrong! now, don’t get me wrong, she was in pain and her gall bladder was damaged…but by removing it, the doctors only removed a symptom, not the problem itself. had the doctors sat down long enough to ask katy more about her previous health history, they might have realized that her pains ran deeper than a single organ. katy has scoliosis, and thanks to that incorrect curvature of her spine, it causes her nerves to send ‘incorrect’ signals to other places in her body. so, the solution of her gall bladder was through her back. only once her back is healed will her pains in other parts of her body recede.
i’ve seen this sort of treatment in my own life too. i have high blood pressure and high cholesterol, so what does my doctor tell me to do? why, take blood pressure and cholesterol medications, of course! again, they address the symptom of the problem and not the root itself. what are the causes of this problem? unhealthy eating, lack of exercise, family history?
and this is not to pick solely on doctors…so many of us are guilty of this. we seem to fixate on an issue, only to discover that once we’ve solved the riddle, the issue is still there, staring us in the face (or doubling us over in pain).
how often do we focus on symptoms of a problem rather than the problem itself?
12.09.2008
Pay It Forward
katy and i just finished watching the premire episode of the new fox reality show, Secret Millionaire...and dare i say "amazing"! for those of you who don't know the premise, here it is: where millionaires experience a life in poverty and give gifts of a lifetime to the friends they make along the way. to quote one of the millionaire stars, "people can be so damn selfish".
please, take a few minutes (about 44 actually) and watch this show. click here for the link.
Ten Commandments
1. I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me.
2. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments.
3. You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.
4. Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.
5. Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
6. You shall not murder.
7. You shall not commit adultery.
8. You shall not steal.
9. You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.
10. You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.
there's the big 10. how are we stacking up to those? got them all taken care of yet? i'm guessing not. over the next several days and weeks i'm going to try to break each individual Commandment down...how it applies to me, and perhaps to you. each may look different depending on the Commandments itself, my attitude and emotions towards it and the depth i go into each one. i'm pretty sure i've never killed someone, but i'm guessing i might dig a little deeper into #6 than that...
12.08.2008
Santa Isn't Real
i know we're a long way from macedonia, but isn't the same still true today? sadly enough, you can walk into pretty much any Christian book store and see shelves full of just this. books written by men who decided to share their thoughts and version of God, giving you their warnings and commands, practically without even quoting scripture.
but it doesn't just stop there. we do this all the time...and no time is it more obvious than the season we're in right now. it's Christmas time...and you know what that means... pictures with santa claus and lots of toys from jolly old st. nick. really? that's Christmas?
and how about Easter? i don't think God created a magic bunny to lay eggs in our backyards to celebrate His son's victory over death either.
here's a thought...a suggestion: how about we celebrate the holiday...the Reason for the season for the right reasons this year!
12.07.2008
Both
is this really worth the debate? thoughts...comments...arguments?
12.05.2008
Real Change
12.04.2008
Love For Enemies
Love for Enemies
27"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31Do to others as you would have them do to you.
32"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. 33And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. 34And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. 35But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful."
i've been studying this passage of scripture quite a bit over the past week of so. some of these truths have been engrained in most of our heads for quite some time...we 'know' them. but upon digging into each verse, i found so many things i was missing.
for example, in verse 29 Jesus says that if someone slaps you on one cheek, turn and allow them to do the same the other. think about that for a minute. how often have you seen a man get punched in the face, not slapped, but full-on punched...whether it be on tv, in a boxing match, a movie, a high school fight, whatever. for some reason, there is some form of pride involved in getting punched, it's like you pushed the envelope so far, that there was no other means to control you. now, cancel out the idea of getting punched, and instead, think of how often you've seen a man getting slapped in the face. quite a different emotion. i can think of very few things as humiliating that could happen to man than getting a slap in the face. how demoralizing, how defeating, how embarassing. and yet, Jesus says, if you get slapped, don't sink down, don't fight back, but instead turn to give them the other one too.
to take that even further, typically, back in the time of Jesus, a man getting slapped in the face meant that he was basically banished from the temple, the social epicenter of that entire culture. so, Jesus is saying that when you've been banished for the 'place to be'... show love, not anger. wow, talk about a humbling experience.
in the very next sentence, Jesus says that if a man takes your cloak, to give him your tunic too. now, keep in mind, this was a couple years before central air and heat, double pane windows and blown insulation attics...so, bascially, whatever the weather was outside, that's what you had to go with. and i'm guessing that most men didn't have a walk-in closet full of cloaks and tunics. odd are, their one cloak and tunic that they just gave away doubled as their blanket at night. how often are we giving all we own to our enemies?
now, that was a good lesson for me...and honestly, had i finished there, it would have been all the challenge i'd need to keep me busy for a few years. but, i read on, i dug in even more..and the lesson i came upon next might be even harder that the whole 'loving thy enemies' idea.
this brought me to John 6:31...one of the most famous passage in the entire Bible. "Do to others as you would have them do to you." now, i've probably heard that verse, that great rule, between 1,000 and 1,000,000 times over my life...and at first, it just seemed that i'd heard it for yet another time. that is, until suddenly i remembered the context of this passage...Love For Enemies. it doesn't say to treat your best friends as you'd like to be treated, but rather your enemies...still not blown away, hold on.
so basically, that passage is saying to treat our enemy as we want to be treated...big deal, right. sure, but what does that say about our friends, our fellow believers in Christ's love? i think it's saying that we have to hold them to an even higher standard. it's our responsibity to watch them, help guide them, hold them accountable, in a loving way - call them out when they have strayed, 'nag them' for Jesus, if you will. i don't know about you, but suddenly, giving a non-believer all my jackets doesn't seem that difficult. what does seem difficult is having those hard talks with a friend when they are down, veering off course, sinning against God...and also knowing that those accountability issues are there for me too...that when i've lost sight of His love, someone should get in face and call me out on it.
but i guess that's still not as hard to swallow as slap in the face...
12.03.2008
Bloom
11.25.2008
Pastor Linus
have we forgotten what Christmas is all about?
luckily, we have linus here to remind us...
"on earth peace, goodwill toward men"
11.24.2008
Barefoot
34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
11.20.2008
Jackson the Comedian
11.17.2008
Run, Part II
so, we finished. there was no prize money or big camera circus involved for people who finish where we did...in 12,132nd place. but, we never wanted that anyway. we got our prize...we reached our goal...we finished!
Run!
11.12.2008
Oh, The Weather Outside Is Frightful...
those distractions are great...even if it's non-stop Christmas music on the radio... in early november... with 84 degree weather beaming down.
let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...
10.10.2008
In Hiding (or We Are All Witnesses)
God has really blessed me with some amazing things in my life over the past couple months and years, and i think i'm just now beginning to see all the work He put in place for me. it's amazing what you can do when you have God in your corner! i know my life is forever changed because of my further understanding of Him and His everlasting love...but i think it brings me more joy to see those moments, those realizations, those eyes light up when others finally see it too...when they give up their lives and take on His. those are the moments that are truly special...and i'm grateful, because God has put me in place where i can witness those moments all the time.
9.18.2008
9.11.2008
I'm A Contradiction In Terms
i'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer...i don't know how else to say it. see, i was driving down i-10 this morning on my way to work, and a car flew by me at a pretty high rate of speed, swerving back and forth between lanes to pass the 'slower' drivers. my initial thought was, back in my younger days i was stupid like that...before i realized that life had consequences and sometimes things don't always happen to 'the other guy'...instead, they happen to you.
i thought about how i use to feel invincible, like nothing would ever happen to me... thinking i'd live to be 104 and die peacefully in my sleep...that disaster would never strike me. i also thought about how i might raise my children differently someday, to allow them to learn at a young age that their decisions in life do have consequences, some of them being disastrous, all the while doing my best to keep them safe from harm.
fast foward about 30 seconds... suddenly, i'm for some reason disappointed that hurricane ike has shifted paths and appears to be heading east of san antonio, putting us out of the direct path of danger. how can i think one thing one minute and then totally switch my philosophy the next? do i feel that dying in a car accident when someone runs a red light or crosses lanes of traffic is completely realistic, but being harmed by flying yield signs and falling tree limbs in the blowing winds and flood waters from a hurricane is totally out of the question? do i think that i have semi-control over my own destiny and ultimate fate? do i just seek a new kind of adventure? do i just need to see the sheer power of nature and chance in a different element? or perhaps i'm still in my younger days?
9.10.2008
Amplify
that's the "official" defination of what Amplify is...but for those people who were there last night, i think they may have some even better ways to describe what they witnessed! i saw genuine fellowship, i saw amazing, God praising worship, i heard life stories, i met so many new people who were excited to have something like this...something they've been searching for...
so, with that, i want to encourage everyone who may be reading this (and i know who's reading) to come and check out Amplify next Tuesday night (and every Tuesday night from here on out). whether you're just curious about what we're doing each week, feel lead by The Spirit, have been questioning your faith for sometime, or have been a devout Christ follower for years, this is something for everyone...we have people from all walks of life up there (we even had some people from Romania or Turkey, i think). The cafe opens at 630pm and the service starts at 730pm sharp. i promise you won't be disappointed! click here for the church link with more info...or send me a message with your questions.
*like the photo at the top? i took that one last night...not bad for a 2 year old camera phone!
9.08.2008
You Alone
You are the only one I need
I bow all of me at Your feet
I worship You alone
You have given me more than
I could ever have wanted
And I want to give You my heart and my soul
You alone are Father
And You alone are good
You are alone are SaviorAnd You alone are God
I'm alive, I'm alive
I'm alive, I'm alive
8.27.2008
Self-Examination
"joy... so much of The Bible can sem threatening... do this or, do this or, do this or, God doesn't like this, God doesn't like that, it use to seem like God was really angry. and not only angry, but pretty against anything that i thought was funny.
the commands of God are about joy...that God is not glorified in begrudging submission to rules, but rather by our joy in submitting to Him.
here's an illustration... marriage: if someone asked me "jeff, how's married life with katy?", and i said "well, i gave my word, so i'm in...look to be honest with you, i think that woman is horrible, and she sucks the life out of me. but i made a promise to stay faithful and i'm a man of my word. so, for the rest of my long, long, long life..." is anyone going, "oh, i want some of that! i want that for me. when i was little, i drempt about just that, a committment that was so....strong, that it could endure the most horriffic of circumstances." that's absurd...but that's what people have done with Christianity...that's the package...be committed.
but in the scriptures, Christ is going, "i'm not glorified by your begrudging submission, i'm glorified by your joy, so i'm trying to lead you to joy"... so the commands about your wealth, or food, or acts is not about getting your money or possessions or mouth, it's about your joy... because God is most glorified in your enjoyment of Him.
God's not sexually repressed...for the record, it was His idea. "be fruitful and multiply"... has anyone read Song of Songs, chapters 3-4? God is after our joy...that's why there should be a joyful ferocity towards obedience.
the truth is, everyone of us is in this story (talking about Mark 4, The Parable of the Sower... we are all 1 of the 4 seeds)...we all have a part to play, whether we like it or not. so, how do we find out what part we are in this story?
it's self-examination. how you view your stuff, how you live your life, how you view your job, how you view your neighbor, how you spend your money. all of this has to be a part of your life, because there are very eternal things at stake in your life.
and nobody want to call each other sinners, and no one wants to call each other out, because it's what we are, we're all sinners, we're all broken.
all we can do is examine our own life, lay the scriptures on our own heart and see if our own life is bearing fruit, it there change? we must ask ourselves, "can i and others see a growth in love, joy, peace and patience in my own life?" and where we fail at those things, we must run to the mercy of Christ, beg for forgiveness, ask for help and get back up and go."
do you pass the process of self-examination?
8.24.2008
Joy In Mudville
josh davis spoke to hundreds today at church...about competition, about finishing strong, about gold medals, about showing our gratitude to God, about training, about sacrifice, about michael phelps, about having the right motivation, about our championship moment... we did the math and figured out that he put in over 22,000 hours of training for a race that lasted less than 2 minutes. what endurance, what dedication, what sacrifice, what determination, what vision...
8.22.2008
Drifting
those are the good times.
sometimes when i’m all alone
i don't know if i can
take another breath
some say home is where the heart is
tell me where my home is
cause i am scared to death
falling from the rooftop
crashing like a raindrop
can you make my heart stop
shaking like a leaf
standing at the floodgate
steady as an earthquake
can you hear my heart break
tearing at the seams
i am drifting in the deep end
holding on to your hand
is all that saves me now
life can treat you like a beggar
you hold me together
but i don't know how
falling from the rooftop
crashing like a raindrop
can you make my heart stop
shaking like a leaf
standing at the floodgate
steady as an earthquake
can you hear my heart break
tearing at the seams
some say home is where the heart is
and my heart is in your hands
you are all i need
rising from the ashes lifted from the madness
now you see my heart is
deep enough to dream
heal me from the deathblow
lead and i will follow
now you feel my heart glow
mending at the seams
8.12.2008
duncan: pet, vomit, teacher
fast forward to today... i had totally forgotten about last nights little 'episode' until i randomly came across a passage of The Bible from 2 Peter 2 which reads, "A dog returns to its vomit". this chapter is talking about false prophets and how "they entice people who are just escaping from those who live in error." now, while i don't think duncan is trying to lure katy and i into a spiral of sinful destruction, it did make me think about the passage for a while...and i never want to miss a chance to learn a Biblical lesson from our 4-legged pet.
how often do we come across these "dogs" who try to distract us from the good that we desire? how many times do they succeed? or even worse, how often are we the ones trying to entice others to a life of sin? how many times do we return over and over, allthewhile knowing the wrongs that we are doing?
8.04.2008
Terms
7.29.2008
Broken Heart + Open Eyes = God's Shopping Spree
the following post wasn't written by me, but by my beautiful wife, katy. the words are from an email she sent our pastor, and they are words that truly break your heart and hopefully make you reevaluate your own life a bit. keep in mind, the following is taken from an informal email, not a doctoral dissertation, so enjoy the playful language that she uses to describe the less than playful situation."last night was amazing! i didnt drop her off until around 930 last night. you could tell she didnt want to leave and really enjoyed the company! first we went to wal-mart and found 3 really nice shirts that would work really well. however we couldnt find any pants to fit that skinny, skinny girl! so i was thinking, "hmmm...i have a pair of pants that are really nice that i dont wear often, so i felt she could really use those more than me". i asked her if she wanted to stop by my house real quick since it is close and she could just have those! so we did. i felt awful because she was afraid to walk in my house because it was "so nice" i was like, "girl, just come in"! (i didn't quite understand this yet and she didnt even walk in past the front door) so i went to get those pants and noticed i had like 5 shirts that i never wear that i was going to give to goodwill so i just grabbed those too and asked her if she wanted them also. she was almost in tears. "american eagle? express? gap? i have never even thought about buying things from there". it made me feel so yucky. i don't really know why, but i just felt stupid for getting things from there, you know!?
anyway, we went from there to ross to try to find her another pair of pants... nothing. then we went to marshalls to try to find pants... again, nothing! so we went next door to target and finally found some pants that really fit her well and worked perfect! she was so excited and almost in tears again! during our time together she kept asking if i was hungry. she was starving, she kept saying. so she asked if i could please take her to get something to eat. by this time we had spent all but 2 dollars i was given. all i could think is, "i really dont have the money to do this", but God just told me "Katy, shut up and take the girl to eat!!!"
she asked if we could go to her favorite place, HuHot... so there we went! it was a neat place. but more importantly, this is where our conversation went more in depth. it just really opened my eyes to a lot of things. she opened up to me about her aunt that passed away not too long ago, her dad being in jail, her lupus, her being raped, etc. she was telling me that its just been hard for her to believe in God when all of these bad things are happeneing to her. so we talked about that and i just tried my best to speak truth to her. she feels like she cant go to church because people will judge her. i told her that the people in our group have been through many things and it's so amazing to see where they are now. so i think she was encouraged by that.
she said that she wants to go to the wednesday night event, so i hope to be there too, for her. she also said that she will be at church sunday and hopes to see me there also. i want her plugged in. and accepted. i dont know how to tell you exactly how i felt last night. but i saw where she is living (with the boyfriend she shouldnt be with) and she isn't even sleeping on a bed. they don't have a bed!!!!! they are sleeping on a blanket on the floor. and she said that all she had to eat yesterday was a taco, and she was hurting so bad because of her lupus.
then we went to her moms, and her mom was in so much pain last night but is still keeping her daughter so she could go to work. and i was just thinking, "gah, who am i to complain about things?" i mean. she still has $220 to pay for july's rent, her utility bill and all of august rent, etc. and i complain because im having trouble paying one little bill or whatever it may be. i mean, i have a bed to sleep on, a pillow to lay my head down on, a clean house, a couch, food, a table and a husband that loves me like Christ calls him to. gosh, i'm tearing up again now just thinking about it. it just really broke my heart and opened my eyes. i gave her my phone number so she could call me if she needed anything. and for some reason, i was up at 4am this morning, so i texted her and told her to have a good first day of work! so, i dont know. i was just really blessed yesterday. i didnt know what to expect but God blew me away."
when katy told me all about this, it brought tears to both of our eyes. it's amazing how blessed you can feel when you provide for others...blessing them. but for me, it's also very frustrating. frustrating that everyday we all pass people in need, people who are hurting...but we just turn a blind eye, a deaf ear, and keep going about our day.
at the end of the day, what's really important? the very latest in cell phone technology? the top of the line upgrades on your new suv? who really needs that shopping spree?
7.25.2008
Open My Eyes
i went to friedrich park with the intent of a couple hour trail hike and encounter w/ God. what i got was nothing like i had planned. it was a 30-minute jog through trails, fallen trees, branches, twigs, leaves, etc.
see, within the first 500 yards i set my course, and God met me there. while looking at the trail map and plotting my way, God presented something to me... in the form of a 6-foot snake lying motionless on the path a couple feet in front of me. the only thing moving was it's tongue as i shrieked (yes, like a little girl), froze in my tracks and stared at what i had almost stepped on. did i mention that i am incredibly fearful of snakes? for some, it's rats, or bats, or taxes...for me, snakes. thanks God!
i took a few cautious steps back, never blinking or taking my eye off it...and watched as the snake inspected me, most likely senesed my fear (and possible soiled pants) and went upon it's way...slithering slowly back into the brush. i watched it for a good 5 minutes as i checked my pants and caught my breath. it was slowly scooting along...until a blue bird came along, landed in front of the snake and cawed at it in attack mode...at which the 6-foot brown & tan snake bolted for the nearest shelter...and it went fast! i stood there in amazement (and fear) that a blue bird was more intimidating than me, a 6-foot tall man (with a little girl shriek, nonetheless) had i not been so fearful still, i might have been insulted.
so, once the snake was out of sight, i went about my way. did i mention that the trails were filled with fallen trees, branches, twigs and leaves? all of those things can look like snakes with the correct mindset. so, just like that, a hike turned into a fast paced jog! while jogging, i assessed what had just happened. what was God telling me? about a mile into my jog, it hit me.
Trust God!
that's it...trust God. He will provide. i was too busy with the trail map in my hand, trying to plot my course to realize the dangers up ahead. i was too consumed with what i wanted for me, where i wanted to go, me, me, me, that i never asked God where He wanted me
i listened to the fact that He wanted me to hike with Him, but i stopped listening right there. and needless to say, He wasn't through instructing! i like to think that i trust Him, but still, i put my wants ahead of His. now, i'm not sure what else He wants for me to do, but I can guarantee you one thing, i won't have my face buried in a map next time He tries to lead me...
Open Your Eyes
God reveals Himself to me everyday too. every morning, He and i share a moment as i'm driving to work. it's a literal eye opening moment. God reveals His beauty, His spendor, His wonder to me as i'm traveling on the ramp from i-10e to loop 410e. as i arrive at the top of the 90 foot+ ramp and turn the corner...there He is, everyday, without fail, to welcome me to the day. i look out, over the city below, as far as the eye can see...and i'm amazed! everyday, i see something new, the rising sun peeks through the clouds in a different way, the storms can be seen off in the distance, the airplanes are circling a few miles away. the list could go on forever. He is there to greet me, everyday, without fail.
i always imagine this song from the perspective of Jesus. (i'm sure if Jesus were alive today, He'd be snow patrol fan!) i picture Him wanting to open our eyes. he's there, hanging on a cross for all of us...wanting us to look up and realize what exactly He's doing for us, and what He wants in return. it may seems strange and untrue, but He wants to be with all of us. and we all can.
(side note: towards the end of the song, there's a repetitive and explosive instrumental section...i imagine this is the moment that we say "yes, God, i'm yours. i'm giving my life to you. thank you for all you've given me, and i'm sorry i've been away for so long!" what a glorious moment! whenever i'm driving in the car and this part of the song is playing, i get very greg coplen-esque... katy and ryan know what i'm talking about. whenever greg would come to a rocking part of a song, he'd practically lose control of his legs behind the piano...they'd be pounding the floor at the beat of the song like he was running a marathon. the difference is, he is great at that...and i can't hold a rhythm to save my life! katy and ryan are very good at reminding me of that as i'm driving...but i rock it just the same!)
so, here's the point. God has called us all...not just some, all. to be willing to give up everything we have to follow Him. all our comforts, all our selfish desires. are you willing? will you open your eyes?
all this feels strange and untrue
and i won't waste a minute without you
my bones ache, my skin feels cold
and i'm getting so tired and so old
the anger swells in my guts
and i won't feel these slices and cuts
i want so much to open your eyes
'cos i need you to look into mine
tell me that you'll open your eyes
tell me that you'll open your eyes
tell me that you'll open your eyes
tell me that you'll open your eyes
get up, get out, get away from these liars
'cos they don't get your soul or your fire
take my hand, knot your fingers through mine
and we'll walk from this dark room for the last time
every minute from this minute now
we can do what we like anywhere
i want so much to open your eyes
'cos i need you to look into mine
tell me that you'll open your eyes
tell me that you'll open your eyes
tell me that you'll open your eyes
tell me that you'll open your eyes
tell me that you'll open your eyes
tell me that you'll open your eyes
tell me that you'll open your eyes
tell me that you'll open your eyes
all this feels strange and untrue
and i won't waste a minute without you
7.23.2008
Dolly
quite often, it's all a matter of mindset. look at hurricane katrina for example. many seem to look at that event completely as a disaster...without seeing the good that came from it. the millions of dollars donated to charities, thousands of people who donated their time to help at shelters, open their homes to others, prayers for hope, etc.
perhaps we need more 'large' reminders to help us remember that it doesn't really matter if we get the turkey breast and ham or the meatball sub. what does matter is the effect that the large controlling force has on us. i pray that His force brings us all closer together.
7.18.2008
I Miss You
to see you when i wake up, is a gift i didn't think could be real
7.16.2008
Smiling's My Favorite
7.14.2008
Mr. Baseball
3 Nails
7.11.2008
Beautiful Day
remember when we were younger, and we had big hopes and dreams for life? we were going to own our very own business....become a famous musician...build our dream house...get married...play ball in the big leagues...move to hollywood and become a famous actor..travel the world, etc.
well, what happened? why am i not seeing friends winning oscars? why am i not receiving postcards from egypt? why am i not buying your music off itunes? why am i not throwing no-hitters for the la dodgers? were our goals too far out of reach...or did we get lazy, distracted, afraid of failure?
this song reminds me of those times...those goals...those dreams. now, some may be too far out of reach...but it also reminds me to keep dreaming...keep setting goals...keep vision. to let the colors come out after the flood...
the heart is a bloom
shoots up through the stony ground
there's no room
no space to rent in this town
you're out of luck
and the reason that you had to care
the traffic is stuck
and you're not moving anywhere
you thought you'd found a friend
to take you out of this place
someone you could lend a hand
in return for grace
it's a beautiful day
sky falls, you feel like
it's a beautiful day
don't let it get away
you're on the road
but you've got no destination
you're in the mud
in the maze of her imagination
you love this town
even if that doesn't ring true
you've been all over
and it's been all over you
it's a beautiful day
don't let it get away
it's a beautiful day
touch me
take me to that other place
teach me
i know i'm not a hopeless case
see the world in green and blue
see china right in front of you
see the canyons broken by cloud
see the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
see the bedouin fires at night
see the oil fields at first light
and see the bird with a leaf in her mouth
after the flood all the colors came out
it was a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
beautiful day
touch me
take me to that other place
reach me
i know i'm not a hopeless case
what you don't have you don't need it now
what you don't know you can feel it somehow
what you don't have you don't need it now
don't need it now
was a beautiful day
7.08.2008
Battle Between Grace and Pride
do you think God ever feels that way about you? do you think He ever says, "where have you been? i miss you. i'm lonely without you." do you ever think God just wants to hangout with you and share life with you...but for some reason, you don't think to call Him?