exhausted, frustrated and at a loss at what to do, i fell to my knees and cried to God,
"please God, i beg for your forgiveness. i know i'm weak! please, have mercy on me and give me strength. give me vision God, so that i may see You in all things, even when times are hard, struggles are present and negativity surrounds me. forgive me for not seeking Your council sooner, more often, with every decision i make. give me Your heart, to do Your will, in all things presented upon me. i thank You for times like these. thank You for my failures, for i know that it's only thru these that i'll truely learn to depend on You and no one else. You are the only truth...thank You for the painfully beautiful reminder!"
at that, i got in my car, cranked up a song by hillsong united (saviour king), and thanked God for all he had given me and all that i was missing. i went and met katy for lunch along with 2 boys she's watching, john thomas (jt) and jackson (pigpen). upon arriving, i walked up to katy's car and immediately felt my burdens lifted when i saw their smiling faces through the window. it put tears into my eyes again. it's amazing how God can work through the face of a child.
all this while, i thought i was being burdened, but perhaps i was just being a bit selfish. God doesn't care what deadlines i have to meet, papers i have to write, or lessons i have to prepare... all He cares about is how i'm worshipping Him through everything i do. like my beautiful wife often says, "if you don't do it with a loving heart, don't do it at all".
God, thank You for showing me your love and mercy through the smile of those 2 boys. jt and pigpen, thank you for smiling, allowing me to hold you, play with you on the playground, and make fish faces with our mouths...
2 comments:
Hi Jeff,
There was an illustration by my favorite author, Max Lucado, that I remember in the overwhelmed times. It goes kind of like this..
Max has a grandson, and they were playing basketball together. Max would hold his grandson up to make the perfect basket with the ball. He held the boy while the grandson threw the ball. Of course, it went right in the basket. The boy was SOO excited..and said, "look grandad, I did it all by myself!"
Isn't that how we are with GOd? He holds us up to make the perfect basket, decision, lifechange, whatever..and yet we go, 'look, daddy! I did it all myself!'
May you FROG today. (Fully Rely on GOD)
Your friend,
Sara
jeff, sara, all
first of all! I haven't teared up in a long time. I fully understand what you are talking about. So many times in my life I feel so overwhelmed and exhausted and yet a child, a friend, a comment makes me realize God is holding me up. I didn't do it myself and can't do it myself. Thank you both for your thoughts. This is exactly what I needed today!
By His Grace,
Ryan
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