The Luckiest

do you ever hear a song and immediately get humorisly upset because you wish you had written it? well, that's me on this song. it's a few years old, and ever since the first time i heard it, i wanted what ben folds is describing in this song...the cool thing is, now i have it! it's the perfect defination in my mind of what love is, and what it means to be in love!

this song describes my love life very well. for years and years, i had wrong turns...i stumbled and fell...but all those things happened for a reason. they led me to my wonderful wife, katy. she is the exact thing i needed in my life...only i didn't realize it until i found it! thanks, babe, for being perfect for me. i love you more than i have ever found a way to say to you!




i don't get many things right the first time
in fact, i am told that a lot
now i know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
brought me here

and where was i before the day
that i first saw your lovely face?
now i see it everyday
and i know

that i am
i am
i am
the luckiest

what if i'd been born fifty years before you
in a house on a street where you lived?
maybe i'd be outside as you passed on your bike
would i know?

and in a white sea of eyes
i see one pair that i recognize
and i know

that i am
i am
i am
the luckiest

i love you more than i have ever found a way to say to you

next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
and one day passed away in his sleep
and his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
and passed away

i'm sorry,
i know that's a strange way to tell you that i know we belong

that i know
that i am
i am
i am
the luckiest

Anti-Green

i carpooled to work today. i was picked up at my front door this morning by another guy from work and will be dropped off again at my house this afternoon. total cost of fuel i consumed today: zero dollars! a couple days from now, we will switch roles, and he will be gas-free for the day. what a clever concept, when the world changes, change with it.

so, why is it so hard to change? why do so many people fight it? sitting around having a cup of coffee today, i heard 3 guys complain about so many things...but never offer a solution to fix it. in fact, most of their complaints were directed at the proposed solutions. below are some of their complaints.

problem: global warming. they sit around and complain about al gore and his desire to get the world to be less dependent on oil and other harmful chemicals being released into our atmosphere. their defense: "why should we change the way we live...do we really think mexico and china are planning on cleaning up their act?"

problem: gas prices: they laugh at the people buying compact cars and moped's and driving them to work each day. their defense: "sure, they'll save $1000 in gas, but they'll be paying $9000 in doctors bills when they get in a wreck with an suv."

problem: gas prices (again): they laugh at the stories on the news that shows people taking the bus to work each day. their defense: "i don't want to be riding on public transportation with 'those' people."

problem: recycling: they complain about how recycling just isn't convinent. "why can't others do the sorting?", they say. their defense: "if i have to rinse out all the plastic bottles and soda cans, my water bill will go up, and that will cause a water shortage."

their excuses went on and on. finally, i got up and left. sometimes the negativity of people really frustrates me. i just hope that i'm not around it for so long that it eventually starts to become me too. i'd like to think that i don't just take the easy way out of something, point out a flaw in the system (however ridiculious the flaw may be), and use it as an excuse to stay stuck in my ways. i hope that as the world changes, i change with it...

Change

now, i'm not really a tracy chapman fan...but one night a couple years ago i heard her perform this song on the tonight show and the very next day i was out buying the album...so apparently there's something about this song that struck me. i'm not sure exactly what it was that spurred the connection in me, but i'm sure it had something to do with the changes that were and needed to be occuring in my life. i mean, it is called "change", after all!

this song poses some very interesting questions. i think the most interesting (and powerful) question would be the very first one the song asks: if you knew that you were going to die, would you be able to recognize God and love... or would you be too broken and bitter to see God's love for you in all fear and pain? would you change?





if you knew that you would die today
saw the face of God and love
would you change?
would you change?

if you knew that love can break your heart
when you're down so low that you cannot fall
would you change?
would you change?

how bad, how good, does it need to get?
how many losses? how much regret?
what chain reaction would cause an effect?
makes you turn around
makes you try to explain
makes you forgive and forget,
makes you change
makes you change

if you knew that you would be alone
knowing right, being wrong,
would you change?
would you change?

if you knew that you would find a truth
that would bring a pain that can't be soothed
would you change?
would you change?

how bad, how good, does it need to get?
how many losses? how much regret?
what chain reaction would cause an effect?
makes you turn around
makes you try to explain
makes you forgive and forget,
makes you change
makes you change

are you so up right
you can't be bent
if it comes to blows
are you so sure you won't be crawling
if not for the good why risk falling
why risk falling?

if everything you think you know
makes your life unbearable
would you change?
would you change?

if you'd broken every rule and vow
and hard times come to bring you down
would you change?
would you change?

if you knew that you would die today,
if you saw the face of God and loved
would you change?
would you change?

if you saw the face of God and loved
if you saw the face of God and loved
would you change?
would you change?

Ramblings

1. the flesh is weak
over the past couple days, the theme "the flesh is weak" has either been read by me in one way or another, told to me by someone else concerning their life, or 'randomly' popped into my head at least 15 times. i think i'm beginning to see a theme here! i'm not sure yet what God's trying to tell me, but i know He reveals Himself in many things...and i can only assume that this is something. all i have so far is that perhaps i am relying a bit too much on myself and my flesh rather than relying on Him in all things.

"So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature." Galatians 5:16

2. bumper stickers
on the way to work this morning, i saw a man driving a truck in front of me with 2 bumper stickers on the back of it...one on each side. one said "Real Men Love Jesus", the other read "Get Tuff In Iraq Or Get The Hell Out". isn't that a bit contradictory!? how can you love Jesus and wanna get tough and kill people? people confuse me sometimes. of course, yesterday i also saw a tag in a wallet that read "Genunine Leather - Made in India"... don't they worship cows in India? perhaps there are some things that we just shouldn't try to make sense of!

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful." Colossians 3:15

3. homeless lady
while pondering the irony of this man's bumper stickers (and the relation to the sacred cow wallet), i continued my drive to work. i passed the corner where the homeless lady i refer to occassionally is always at...only she hasn't been there in about 2 weeks now. after seeing her consistently everyday for well over a year, it's odd not to see her. what's even more difficult is that i have no idea where she's at...and my mind wanders. is she hanging out, feeding birds somewhere else now? has she found a home? has someone taken her in? did she pass away? did she win the lottery? my mind thinks of so many possibilities for where she may be...but the fact of the matter is, i will probably never know what happened to her...she's just...gone. and as my mind wanders, i realize again, "the flesh is weak"...

"Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy." Matthew 5:5-7

Caffeine

as i sit here sipping on my extremely hot grande starbucks pike's place drip coffee, i wanted to share some info about the caffeine content of various drinks that we all consume on a daily basis. click here for the link to the caffeine database, which calls itself "the most complete list of beverage caffeine content online". now, that's saying something...after all, we all know the internet doesn't lie! i did find out that the 16 ounces of coffee i'm currently enjoying contains 330 mg of caffeine, while the typical "energy drink" (red bull, amp, rock star, monster, etc.) only contains on average 118 mg of caffeine, while being nearly the same amount of fluid. interesting stuff (thanks kyle for even putting the idea in my head to research the caffeine content of various beverages... we are dorks)! if you're ever feeling really, really tired, or if you need to drive cross-country without sleep, try ammo...1 ounce, 171 mg of caffeine. or perhaps after drinking one of those, you should drive yourself to the hospital, because you're probably gunna have a heart attack...

The Death of The SUV

dearly beloved. we gather here today to mourn the demise of the sport utility vehicle, or "SUV" as its friends liked to call it.

the gas-guzzler lived a full life, driving in the fast lane from the 1990s to the mid-2000s. alas, it fell ill a few years ago and never recovered. and really, we can't say the death came as a surprise. for years, folks complained about the environmental impact of low-mileage vehicles. over time, those voices grew louder, but still the SUV fought on, proudly taking up two parking spaces and scaring hybrids from its lane.

but then, gas prices soared and the SUV's vital signs plummeted. as much as people love large cars, the costs to keep fuel in the tank proved too much to take. as the New York Times reported, it now costs $100k to own and keep a similarly inefficient full size pickup running for five years. and so people pulled the plug on their trucks and SUVs, taking the beleaguered vehicles off life support and into the museum of dead car fads.

U.S. News and World Report has written a thoughtful and compelling obit on the yuppie chariot. read it and remember the SUV's positive qualities as well as its faults. it's what it would have wanted.

this week, automobile sales reports show that for the first time in over 15 years, the #1 selling vehicle in america is not the ford f-150 truck. in fact, it's not even the #2 or #3, but the #5 selling vehicle in america, behind 4 fuel-efficient sedans. looks like i sold the SUV just in time!

Worlds Apart

a few years back, i heard some skinny white guy with dreds and a bandana on his head play this song, and it changed my perception of what christian music "had" to sound like, forever. it was dark, it was mysterious, it was raw, it was emotional, it was broken, it was honest. it was exactly what i needed to hear in order to actually open my ears (and my heart) to what pretty much all christian music (often poorly) tries to communicate...that we're sinners and need Jesus in our lives. basically, i credit this song, and in many ways my friend daniel duce (the skinny white guy with dreds and bandana who played the song) for helping me realize that. this song really is a cry out for help and a thank you note all at once. "the battle between grace and pride".

this saturday morning, katy and our friend taylor will play this song (among others) for the church under the bridge san antonio, to a couple hundred people, most of them being homeless. they will play this song to the people who are dark, who are mysterious, who are emotional, who are broken. my prayer is that they'll receive it in the same way i did, as a cry out for help and a thank you...




i am the only one to blame for this
somehow it all ends up the same
soaring on the wings of selfish pride
i flew too high and like icarus i collide
with a world i try so hard to leave behind
to rid myself of all but love
to give and die

to turn away and not become
another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
of a world embracing every heartache

can i be the one to sacrifice
or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

to love you - take my world apart
to need you - i am on my knees
to love you - take my world apart
to need you - broken on my knees

all said and done i stand alone
amongst remains of a life i should not own
it takes all i am to believe
in the mercy that covers me

did you really have to die for me?
all i am for all you are
because what i need and what i believe are worlds apart

i look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
"dull the nails that still remain"
more and more i need you now,
i owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
i gave up not so long ago
so steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things i cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that i despise
speak the words i can't deny
watch the world i used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
i look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
"dull the nails that still remains"
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things i cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart,
take my world apart
i pray, i pray, i pray
take my world apart